We Can Only Hope
by Sammi Kadachi Metallium Ishida
Summary: The title says it all. We can only hope that this stuff never ends up in a Harry Potter Book! *Thinks* That would be, like, totally weird.
1.

I do not own Harry Potter. Any songs, or TV show related things you see in here do not belong to me either.  
  
100 Things Harry Potter Characters Will Never Say:  
  
1. Harry: I wanna be a Slytherin!!!  
  
2. Ron: I looove Parvati Patil! Oh, I looove her!  
  
3. Seamus: So, Dean, heard any updates about soccer?  
Dean: Soccer?  
  
4. Parvati: Professor Trelawney? A human? All this time I thought she was an oversized dragonfly with specs.   
  
5. Lavender: That's it! I have to stop snooping around like this!  
  
6. Oliver: Hey, dudes! I'm back!  
Angelina: Oliver, what are you doing?  
Alicia: Why are you back? To watch your old great team win another match?  
Oliver: Great team? Heck no! You guys are losers! Losers!  
  
7. Hermione: The truth is… I'm not really a witch! I'm Invader Zim! Ha! Ha! Ha! Gir, put your jets on, and take me out of here!  
Ron: Jets on!  
  
8. Snape: Oh yeah! Who let the dogs out?  
  
9. Sinistra: Somewhere out there away from planet Pluto…  
  
10. Draco: Go away, Crabbe! I need to study!   
  
11. Dumbledore: When I grow up…I want to be an old man! Ha! Ha! Ha!!!  
  
12. Harry: What's his name? Oh yeah, baby! Kuzco!!!  
  
13. Hermione: Aren't I lovely?  
Ron: Defi-net-ly not!  
  
14. Padma: I am like, gonna be a valley girl when I grow up, and like, have three million cars, and have a husband named Ron, and…  
  
15. Crabbe: I speak!  
  
16. Goyle: I live! Woooo!   
  
17. Hagrid: It's a Blast Ended Skrewt! Ah! Get it away from me!  
  
18. Lee Jordan: That's a foul!  
Harry: Aw, pipe down. We all know you smell foul, but keep it to yourself!  
  
19. Draco: Fish, fish, fish!  
Harry: What's up with him?  
Pansy: He's been hitting his head on a fish tank. Not like it's any of your business.   
  
20. Harry: (In the middle of a Quidditch game) So, I'm Keeper…no wait, I'm Seeker…and I have to go after the Bludger, right? Oh, okay,   
there it…ow…  
  
21. Dumbledore: No! They're my lemon drops! You can't have them!  
McGonagall: I don't want them.  
Dumbledore: No! You're supposed to want them!  
McGonagall: Well, I don't.  
Dumbledore: Pretend!  
McGonagall: (sighs) I want your lemon drops Professor…give them to me…  
Dumbledore: That's just to bad for you, isn't it?  
  
22. Draco: Easy squeazy lemon peasy...  
  
23. Hermione: Come on, Harry! We can ditch school!  
  
24. Hermione: I'm expelled??? (pause) I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT ALL MY LIFE!!!  
  
25. Pansy: Hey, Draco…I just wanted to tell you…I'm dumping you for Ron.  
  
26. Snape: (Watching a Richard Simmons tape, and jumping around the classroom) Come on! Work that body!  
  
27. Sirius: What should I do for the talent show?  
Lupin: I think you'd better take a bath before you…  
Sirius: What a great idea! Take a bath! Wash yourself!  
  
28. Harry: (Looks over at TK) Oh… (Looks at Hermione) Yo, Takeru! (Takes him by the shoulders) You know, maybe we can work   
something out. You get a wand, I get a D-3. You get an owl, I get a Digimon. You get Hermione, and I get Kari…  
  
29. Ron: (Looks over at Ash) Lucky duck...  
  
30. Draco: All right! Bring on the scratchy woolen shirt!  
  
31. Voldemort: I've been under the Imperius curse my whole life, and I've finally broken free! Now, (cries like a baby) wheres my teddy?!  
  
32. Lupin: (Rushes in on Draco and Hermione kissing, and bites them both) Ah...young blood. (You might not get that one)  
  
33. Dumbledore: (In sunglasses, and red striped shorts) Come with me! I'm going surfing!  
  
34. Hermione: (To insane Dementor) You scare me...  
Dementor: Oh, why thank you!  
  
35. Ginny: I put a spell on you, and now you're mine!  
Harry: Or not.  
  
36. Fred: I don't feel like doing practical jokes anymore.  
George: Me neither...I wish I was more like Percy.  
Fred: Yeah, now there's someone to look up to.  
George: I'm going to become the best head boy that Hogwrats has ever seen!  
Fred: Not if I become Head Boy first!  
  
37. Hermione: (To Three Small Words) I'm a dropout college teen...picture on the TV screen...and the cops are after me...took six  
whole hours, and five long days...for them to find me on the run...  
  
38. Lupin: I'm doin this tonight...you're probably gonna run in fright...I was young and got the bite, hey baby come on...  
Blaise: You're weird, you know that?  
  
39. Ron: And they say "Theyre so lucky theyre fifth year boys, but they cry, cry, cry in the scary dark whining, 'There are monsters  
in my clothes closet! I fell off my bed once again!'"  
  
40. Ron: Oh, leather is sooo me.  
  
41. Pomfrey: I'm not really a nurse...or a witch. I'm a squib from the local insane asylum. But I did play a nurse on TV once!  
  
42. Hermione: (Waving candy around) This is Halloween! This is Halloween!  
  
43. Draco: I just can't wait until the next Care of Magical Creatures class!  
  
44. Ron: I hate money...  
  
45. Ron: Come back to me, Peter! Come back!  
  
46. Snape: Everybody loves the cool whip! Everybody loves the coo-ool whip! Cool whip! Cool whip!  
  
47. Harry: (Kissing Cho) Ah, this is the life.  
Cho: You actually dont mind that readers know exactly what youre doing right now?  
Harry: (drops Cho, and her head hits the table) What?!   
  
48. Snape: (Snapping his fingers) I'm the baby! Gotta love me!  
Voldemort: Hey, you jerk! You stole my motto!  
  
49. Ron: (Gives Harry a thumbs up) Hakuna Matata  
Harry: Whatever.  
  
50. Hermione: Where did I put my book on How to go Bad? Eugene!  
Eugene: I don't want you to make the same mistake I did!  
Hermione: Eugene!  
Eugene: Besides, it seems as though you're bad enough already.  
  
Sorry that some of them were really lame. The last 50 will be out soon. I was running out of meterial.  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. 51-70

A/N: For this one, I am still running out of meterial. So for this, I'm going up to seventy. For  
the next one, I will do up to ninety, and then the top ten for the last one.   
  
A/N: If you dont mind, please pick your favorite one out of this, the first fifty, and the next   
twenty to come.  
  
51. Ron: I'm drowning! I'm drowning!  
Harry: As long as the Giant Squid is holding you, you're not going to drown.  
Ron: Oh...The Giant Squid has gotten me! It's got me!  
  
52. Goyle: All right, Malfoy! From now on, you're going to be MY bodyguard!  
  
53. Voldemort: Hey, you're not the right Harry.  
Harry: Of course I'm not. You've only been trying to kill me for thirteen years!  
Voldemort: So I've been going after the wrong Harry?  
Harry: I don't know.  
Voldemort: Let me check my list...oh, now I see where I went wrong! There's a smudge over  
the H, to make it seem like two T's. Must run, now. Got to go kill Harry Poher.  
  
54. Trelawney: Oh, who am I kidding? This is all a bunch of hoo-hah!  
  
55. Trelawney: Oh, Neville! You're going to grow up to be a very powerful wizard, you are.  
Oh, and you're going to own a mansion, and have billions of dollars!  
  
56. Hermione: When I'm an old lady, and I shrink, I'm going to join the Rugrats!   
  
57. Hermione: I just can't do it! Muggle Studies it just to hard!   
  
58. Voldemort: What? You mean this isn't just an act?  
  
59. Ron: Hey, Harry! Guess what? I just got a new pet spider! He's the cutest, best pet in the  
world!  
  
60. Ron: Hermione, the meaning I'm usually mean to you is...I love you! (Sorry, but I am NOT  
a R/H shipper!)  
  
61. Hagrid: So wait, slow down! Now tell me again, who is Fluffy?  
  
62. Neville: I did it! I apparated!  
  
63. Vernon: Harry! You're home! Oh, boy, we've all missed you so much!  
  
64. Arthur: My Ford Anglia! It's flying into the Washington Monument!!! (Pause) Oh well.  
  
65. Lupin: I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves! I know a song that gets on   
everybody's nerves! I know a song that gets...okay, this song is getting on my nerves.  
  
66. Dementor: Woo-ee, I need a bath!   
  
67. Mother Dementor: Oh my, you're clammy! Are you sick???  
  
68. Ron: Enter the Twolight Zone!!!  
  
69. Hermione: Food fight!  
  
70. Draco: Be quiet, Pansy! PB&J Otter is on!  
  
Remember, Reviewers, tell me which one you liked the best! 


	3. 71-90

A/N: All these characters belong to J.K. Rowling. "I am a Baby Bumblebee" belongs to...the person who wrote it, Bow Wow owns himself...I guess...  
And that annoying "You can..." oh, please, you know what I mean, belongs to the Feinstein guy. Anything else...belongs to whoever it belongs to, too.  
  
71. Dumbledore: My name means bumblebee in French! I feel so special! I am a little baby bumblebee! Won't my mommy be so proud of me? I am a   
little baby bumblebee! Oops, I stung myself!  
  
72. McGonagall: Bow wow wow yipee yo yipee yay!  
Bow Wow: Oh, an old lady is singing my song...I feel sooo special...  
McGonagall: I'm not that old, sonny! Watch your tongue!  
Bow wow: But I can't see inside my mouth...  
  
73. Snape: Flower power!  
  
74. Voldemort: Remember...you can make a difference.  
  
75. Fred: Only you can prevent forest fires!  
  
76. Percy: Yabba dabba doo!!!  
  
77. Ron: Oh yeah! I'm Head Boy! It's my birthday! It's my birthday!  
  
78. Hermione: Lets see...the spell to opening doors...no wait, I know this one! Impervius! The spell to repel water? It's on the tip of my tongue, now!  
Um...Alohamora! Now tell me again, who IS Gildory Lockhart?  
  
79. Lee: Foul!  
Harry: Oh, pipe down! We all know you smell foul, but keep it to yourself!  
Alicia: Yeah, I mean, I wasn't going to say anything, but...  
  
80. Draco: Wait, is it pronounced Dray-ko, or Drah-ko?  
  
81. Hermione: La la la la la la bamba! Dah dah dah!  
  
82. George: (Clubs Angelina) Oops...I thought you were a Bludger...  
Fred: No worries, bro. It's an easy mistake to make...  
Angelina: How dare you?  
  
83. Hermione: Oo-oo-ooh, he-e-ey, yeah. It's like wo-o-ow-oo-oo-ooh! Ooh, hey, yeah, it's like wow!  
  
84. Ron: Oh, oh, oh! I look into her eyes! Oh, oh, oh! Best years of our lives!  
  
85. Arthur: Hey now, I'm a rock star! Get my show on! Get paid! And all those galleons are gold! And the shooting star, is the gold snitch!  
  
86. Dumbledore: *Looks in the mirror* Hey! I'm ugly!  
  
87. Flitwick: Does my breath smell fresh?  
Snape: Mmm....no!  
Flitwick: I think you better check your own before you make fun of mine, you nerd!  
  
88. Hermione: How dare you? Nobody in my family ever, EVER...left a body to be found!  
  
89. Harry: What? You mean I don't even get to play in my own movie?!  
Daniele Radcliff: That's right! I get all your fun!  
Harry: Ah! It's my alter ego! Get it away!  
Hermione: Oh, Harry, please!  
Emma Watson: Hey, 'Mione!  
Hermione: AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
90. Snape: *Looks at the flick of him in the movie trailor commercial* Do I really look that bad? I can't tell anymore...my mirror cracked a few  
months ago...  
  
  
  
That's all for now! Great thanks to the people who reviewed! I had a fun time writing this, and I hope you had a good time reading it! Keep this in   
mind-- the top ten funniest ones are coming out soon! It includes my silly version to why Hermione is so smart. Let's just say her past leads way back  
to...prehistoric times! That's all I'll say! They'll be out, soon! 


	4. Top 10!

And now here we go! The top 10!  
  
91. Trelawney: EEK! There's a humongous Dragonfly on the other side of my  
mirror! Get it away! *Pause* Oh, wait a minute...that's me... *Another pause*  
EEK! I'm a humongous dragonfly! I must exterminate myself!   
  
92. Snape: Look at that handsome face! *Mirror cracks*  
  
93. Hermione: Oh, honestly! Who has ever heard of a blue flame?  
  
94. Draco: Promises meant everything when I was little, and...NOW I HATE THE  
WORLD! *Eyes bulge* AH HA HA HA!!!   
  
95. Dumbledore: Harry...you...you have Godric's sword... *In Mad Scientist  
voice* HE'S ALIVE!!!!  
  
96. Goyle narrating himself in a comic strip: Sadly, Goyle has crudely been  
made out of the parts of troll corpses! Thunder sounds outside. He's...  
he's...He's alive! UGH!!!  
  
97. Hermione: Do you want to know why I'm so smart? Huh? It's because my   
ancestors were dinosaurs, so I have a brain in my butt, that's why!  
  
98. Flitwick: Did you know...Phoenix's can fly???  
McGonagall: No! I was not aware!  
  
99. Draco: The light at the end of the tunnel...   
  
100. Dumbledore: No! Stupid Raichu... OMIG! I've been burned! Nooo!   
Charizard! Stay back! Back I say!  
  
A/N: Thanks to all the people who reviewed. If you want another 100, just let  
me know! 


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